ArcaMax

(Culled from newspapers)

- The burglar was about 30 years old, white, 5' 10", with wavy hair weighing about 150 pounds.

- The family lawyer will read the will tomorrow at the residence of Mr. Hannon, who died June 19 to accommodate his relatives.

- Mrs. Shirley Baxter, who went deer hunting with her husband, is very proud that she was able to...Read more

"Maybe you just aren't fun anymore," a reader wrote to me recently. With all due respect to this reader, are you fun? No, please, are you having it? What is so fun out there, hmm? Is someone having a party full of Nerds Gummy Clusters and total disassociation?

Apparently, the tone around this column space has trended too serious for some ...Read more

When it comes to air travel, I'm certainly no stranger to flight delays. On a trip last summer, our return flight was delayed 36 hours. Strangely enough, this was also approximately the same amount of time I had been in labor with my son. The difference was at the end of my labor, I got a beautiful child, whereas at the end of the flight delay...Read more

First, the Florida of it all registers. Oranges, gators, crystal blue skies full of possibility.

Then, something else dawns in the opening breaths of "Nickel Boys." The film is shot in a first-person lens. We, the viewer, embody Elwood Curtis, an ambitious Black teen growing up in 1960s Tallahassee. He's the one looking up at oranges, and by ...Read more

I wouldn't say I'm nose blind to the smell of my dog, but typically, I don't realize he needs a bath until the board of health shows up and condemns the dog, his bed and our house.

My husband will usually smell him before I do. Maybe it's because he's out of the house all day, and when he walks in the door, the smell hits him like a ...Read more

I recently watched two documentary series that unpacked slices of zeitgeist from the 1990s and 2000s. One was "Girls Gone Wild: The Untold Story," the other, "Jerry Springer: Fights, Camera, Action."

Both series illuminated an era rife with cartoonish sexcapades and violent, Roman arena-style fighting. I lived through it, of course, and at ...Read more

There are a lot of things my husband does well. Shopping, however, is not his forte. This I learned after I sent him to the drugstore to get me some Anbesol for my canker sore, and he came home with Anusol, a product for hemorrhoids.

"It was an honest mistake," he admitted.

"Yes, I can see how you might have been confused," I said. "One ...Read more

Hi! What is the Gulf of Mexico?

I will answer the question with more questions, an old sales trick: Have you heard of Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama or Florida? Have you been to a beach? Did you not witness the 2024 hurricane season? Did the schools fail you this badly?

There's no reason to be like that.

You're right...Read more

As the chief domestic officer of our family, I'm usually pretty fastidious about the cleanliness of my home. But every once in a while, something escapes my attention, and then, before I know it, we have a disturbing situation on our hands.

Such is the case with my refrigerator.

"Something in the fridge has gone bad," said my husband, ...Read more

You may have heard that a new president will be inaugurated on Monday.

By Donald Trump's side, reportedly, will be the billionaire Founding Fathers of our exciting oligarchy. This includes Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos and Mark Zuckerberg, who has rebranded by cutting baby bangs and wearing chains last seen on a Zales truck. As part of this macho ...Read more

If this were a game of Clue, I knew who the victim was, where it died, and what killed it.

The Roomba was dead. In the den. With a shag carpet.

But the question was, who done it?

When I arrived home that day at 12:41 p.m., the familiar whooshing of the Roomba, set to vacuum at 12:30 p.m. each day, was suspiciously absent. I scoured the ...Read more

The final dinner of winter vacation is funereal, death incarnate, the dissolution of rum ball-soaked peace.

It's even more fraught when a season of political mayhem looms. Let's slice into braised chicken and ignore the worst Sunday scaries known to man. Let's pass the salad and avoid reading about how Elon Musk moved into a Trump outbuilding...Read more

I always keep a dozen reusable grocery bags in my car so I don't have to buy one when I go shopping. Naturally, I would always forget to take some in, and then mid-checkout, I'd have to make a mad dash to my car to get my bags while a line of annoyed shoppers formed behind me. I thought it was OK for them to wait five minutes while I saved the...Read more

One way to know you're in your 40s is that you still open BuzzFeed listicles. I'm sorry, it was beyond my control! My phone's news app spooned me this highly targeted content, and I had no choice but to slap the black mirror for dopamine like an infant gumming pureed banana.

The factory-farmed piece was culled from r/Xennials on Reddit, home ...Read more