ArcaMax

DEAR ABBY: I have spent 40 years serving the public and my country, putting other people first and feeling guilty if I didn't. However, I am becoming resentful of the demands for my time.

I'm retired, and my husband still works. We have always split the expenses 50-50, even though I make less than 40% of his income. Once I retired, my share of the household chores and errands increased from 75% to 90%. I wanted to make life easier for my husband, but now he expects me to run personal errands for him, too. All the wear and tear and gas usage is borne by my car, which is considerably older than his.

I have a friend and walking partner who has been having different issues she needs help with. She has always talked about the close friends she has known for decades and sees regularly. They all live about 20 minutes away and are retired, in good health and able to drive. I offered her my help in the past, but now she and her friends think I should be her go-to person since I live closer to her than they do.

I have my own schedule and routine now. I like having some days free to do what I feel like and not have to fulfill demands from others. How do I let people know MY time is valuable and discourage them from expecting me to help them? -- TOO NICE AND HELPFUL

DEAR TOO NICE: It is not a crime to tell someone you don't have time to do what they want you to do. It's time to sign up for some assertiveness training so you can learn how to say no. (No, I'm not kidding.) If you do as I suggest, it might even improve your marriage. Your doctor or health insurance company can refer you to someone qualified.

DEAR ABBY: The floor I work on has a cluster of offices surrounding a central kitchen area. Fifteen of us share the appliances, including a hot water reservoir with a tap. The building is old and has lead pipes, so a service brings in large plastic bottles for a water cooler. Usually, whoever arrives first in the morning fills the tank on the water heater from the cooler, and we all use it to make hot drinks during the day.

I just found out that a new employee has been filling the tank from the contaminated tap! When I asked her about it, she said that the microplastics in the water jugs were more dangerous than the lead in the pipes. She's very committed to this idea and is not going to budge. I don't think this is right. I will heat my own water from now on, but how should I warn the others in the office? The source of our tea water seems like a silly thing to start an office tiff over, but I also think people need to know their water is unsafe. -- NOT DRINKING IN NEW YORK

DEAR NOT DRINKING: I agree the employees in your office should know about this. At least they will be on notice about which "poison" they are consuming. Report this to HR or your employer, so the announcement can come from on high and you can stay out of the line of fire.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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