ArcaMax

DEAR ABBY: I have hemifacial spasm (HFS), a relatively rare disorder characterized by random and uncontrollable spasms on one side of the face. HFS can sometimes be alleviated through surgery and/or treated with Botox injections. HFS makes social contact challenging when the face contorts for no apparent reason, sometimes with accompanying speech slurring.

In my case, surgery was unsuccessful, and my only option is Botox, which leaves one eye wider open and my mouth unable to move naturally or smile on one side. I'm learning to accept this facial asymmetry as my new normal, but I'm not there yet.

I'm self-conscious about having my photo taken, but camera-wielders insist and persist. Can you help me with a response I can use to those photo-takers who refuse to take no for an answer, or worse, tell me to "just smile," something I can no longer do? -- SELF-CONSCIOUS IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR SELF-CONSCIOUS: I have several suggestions about your problem. The first is that not everyone is equally talented in administering Botox. Is the person administering yours a dermatologist? Whether the answer to this question is yes or no, it might benefit you to consult more than one.

Because you are sensitive about having your picture taken, point out to the picture-taker that either you prefer not to be photographed, and why, or explain that you WILL NOT be smiling for obvious reasons.

Another thought: Consider positioning yourself so your more photogenic side faces the camera, as many celebrities do when they are asked to pose.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend embarrassed me when he told me to apologize to a woman standing behind him in line at the market. He was about to pay for the groceries when I said I'd run to get an item I had forgotten. It took less than a minute, and the order was still being rung up.

When I went back to include the item, he ordered me loudly to apologize to the woman standing in line behind him. Abby, he was still paying! She wasn't even in line when I went to get the mustard. Because he was still there, I thought he had told her he was waiting for me.

It's not the first time he's done something like this. I don't think I did anything wrong, and even if I did, he could have told me privately and not made me feel like a misbehaving child. I would feel different if we had left the checkout line, but he hadn't. I thought he was holding the line for me. -- NOT A CHILD IN FLORIDA

DEAR NOT A CHILD: If there had been a long line, I can understand that running back to fetch the mustard might have caused a serious inconvenience. Because there wasn't, your boyfriend should not have embarrassed you the way he did. Since it wasn't the first time he has done something like this, assume that he derives satisfaction from doing it. Think hard about whether you really want a future with a partner like him. (I know I wouldn't.)

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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