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DEAR ABBY: Please help me move forward. My brother-in-law is dating a woman my husband was intimate with once before we were married. It makes family functions very awkward for me, but most of the family sees it as the past. It was the past, but it is now in our faces. My husband feels the same way.

Do we just keep the peace and stay away from functions as she seems to be more accepted than I am? We have been married 37 years. Are we being unreasonable?? -- CONFUSED IN THE EAST

DEAR CONFUSED: Oh, my. It seems like "who goes around comes around." It's a shame that you can't leave the past -- a one-night stand more than 37 years ago -- in the past and find the humor in this. I suspect it happens more often than you think. Please quit regarding this as a competition between you and your brother-in-law's girlfriend. Your husband chose YOU. End of contest. If there is cause for embarrassment, it should be hers, not yours.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Muriel," and I have been together for 10 years and married for seven. She has worked in animal rescue for much of her life. Muriel thinks she has to save them all. No amount of explaining the financial and other consequences gets through to her.

We currently have 21 pets living in our house. I have tried searching for support groups that might help, but to no avail. Even if I found such a group, my wife won't admit there is a problem. Can you help? -- STUMPED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR STUMPED: I'll try. I will also venture to say that 21 animals living in a house may not be healthy for all concerned. Because your wife is unable to listen to reason, contact animal control services in your city or county and explain what's going on. (I'm surprised one of your neighbors hasn't already tipped them off.) Your wife may have a heart of gold, but those creatures deserve a better standard of care than what your wife can give them.

DEAR ABBY: I delivered mail for 36 years. For 25 of those years, my route was in a retirement community. I'm retired now, and it upsets me when I am not contacted when someone I was friendly with for 25 years passes away. This is happening more and more.

Yes, I was their mail lady, but I was also their friend. I got to know and love all my customers. Their children knew who I was. The ones I was closest to are the ones whose deaths upset me the most because I wasn't notified. I know I'm not a relative, but still it hurts. If they read this, they will know who they are. I'm not angry. I'm just hurt. Do you understand? -- RETIRED MAIL LADY IN ARIZONA

DEAR MAIL LADY: Yes, I understand, and I also empathize with you. However, the "children" you describe may not have notified you about their parents' deaths because, unless they had your contact information, they didn't know how to reach you.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $16 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 446, Kings Mills, OH 45034-0446. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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