Life Advice

/

Health

Single and Thriving: Readers Weigh In

Annie Lane on

Dear Readers: Many of you wrote to me in response to "Independent and Irritated." This 65-year-old single woman was struggling with how to reply to people who questioned why she never married despite her older age. So many readers wrote in to share their own similar experiences and suggest some wonderful replies to an invasive and awkward question.

Here are some of my favorites I wanted to share with you.

Dear Annie: The letter from "Independent and Irritated" brought back a conversation that changed my life. I was a young, jilted fiancee trying to understand what happened to my dreamt-of future, now in shreds. A very kind, wise and highly educated southern lady said to me "Oh, honey, you can ALWAYS get married, but think of all the OTHER wonderful things you can do." I so admired her and her many accomplishments in education and public service, and for her charitable contributions to our community, and while she did eventually marry, she told me it was because she had run out of other things to do! -- Keeping My Options Open

Dear Annie: I thought your response to "Independent and Irritated" was gracious and thoughtful. As a 53-year-old straight, cis-gendered woman who has never married or had children, I've also had to develop a response to similar questions about my marital and childbearing status. My response for the last 20-plus years has been, "Just lucky, I guess."

This is no different than a family friend with 13 children who was constantly asked after the first half dozen or so if she was pregnant again. Her response was, "I don't know, but my husband and I are still having sex." Both our responses tend to bring about the desired end to the conversation very quickly. Ask obnoxious questions, get obnoxious answers.

When will people learn that these types of questions are inappropriate? It's no different than asking couples who have been dating for any significant amount of time when they're going to get married or asking married couples when they're going to have children. Not everyone has the same relationship or life goals. Can't we just meet people where they are and get to know or enjoy them as is? If more people would just mind their own business, the world would be a much better place. -- Lucky Single Woman

 

Dear Annie: Like "Independent and Irritated," I am single in my 60s. I've had my share of relationships, and as I got older, I valued my singleness. I can clean my house when I want, do laundry when I want, etc. When people ask if I'm lonely or whatever, I just tell them I'm joyfully single. They smile and let it go. -- Joyfully Single

Dear Annie: In response to the writer who asked how to respond to people who ask why she never married, say what I say: "I never met anyone whose company I enjoyed more than my own." -- "Lily" in NJ

========

Annie Lane's second anthology -- "How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.


 

Comments

blog comments powered by Disqus

 

Related Channels

Ask Amy

Ask Amy

By Amy Dickinson
Asking Eric

Asking Eric

By R. Eric Thomas
Dear Abby

Dear Abby

By Abigail Van Buren
Miss Manners

Miss Manners

By Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin
My So-Called Millienial Life

My So-Called Millienial Life

By Cassie McClure
Sense & Sensitivity

Sense & Sensitivity

By Harriette Cole
Single File

Single File

By Susan Dietz

Comics

The Argyle Sweater Diamond Lil Jerry King Cartoons Family Circus Cathy Drew Sheneman