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Dear Annie: My youngest just left for college, and the quiet in this house feels deafening. For more than 20 years, my whole world revolved around being a mom. My days were built around carpools, practices, grocery lists and late-night talks in the kitchen. Now the rooms are still, the laundry baskets are empty, and I find myself standing in the doorway of my kids' rooms just to feel close to them.

Everyone tells me to enjoy it, to travel or pick up a new hobby, but I just feel sad. I miss the noise, the laughter, even the arguing over who finished the milk. I miss being needed. My husband seems to be adjusting fine, but I feel this ache that I cannot shake. It is pride and loneliness all tangled together.

I know this is supposed to be a normal part of life, but it feels anything but normal to me. How do I fill the space that motherhood used to take up? How do I move forward when so much of who I am feels left behind in those busy, beautiful years? -- Missing the Mayhem

Dear Missing the Mayhem: I get it. When the kids leave, the quiet can feel overwhelming. For years, your whole life ran on their schedules, their noise, their needs. Then suddenly, it is just still. It takes time to get used to that.

But here is the good news: This is not the end of something. It is the start of something new. You finally get to think about you again. What did you love before the carpool lines and college applications took over? Painting? Reading? Hiking? Start there. Even little things help, like coffee with a friend, a weekend class, a new recipe or a day trip you plan just because you can.

Your kids will always need you, but in a different way now. They still want to know you are cheering for them, and they will love seeing you happy and busy, not sad and waiting by the phone.

Dear Annie: My son got married about eight months ago, and while I truly do love his new wife, I admit I'm scratching my head over a few things. Maybe it's the times changing, or maybe I'm just old-fashioned, but it feels like I got a fourth child instead of a daughter-in-law.

When they come over for dinner, I do what I've always done: make a nice meal, fix everyone a plate and pass the rolls. I'll serve my husband, my boys and even the dog if he looks hungry enough. But my new daughter-in-law? She piles food on her own plate, sits down and tells my son to get it himself. My jaw nearly hit the mashed potatoes. He works all day to provide for her, and the least she could do is hand him a pork chop! Instead, I find myself jumping up to fix his plate while she's scrolling through her phone.

And the laundry, don't even get me started. Because they don't have a washer and dryer, she brings her clothes over, and somehow, I end up doing them. It's like my son got married, and I gained another load of towels.

Should I speak up, or just keep folding her laundry and praying she buys a washing machine? -- Lost For Words in Georgia

Dear Lost For Words: You sound like a loving mom who just wants the best for her son -- and maybe a little appreciation for all that you do. I can see why this is bothering you. You raised your son to work hard and be respectful, so it's natural to want his wife to show him the same care.

That said, times have changed a bit. Some couples split chores differently, and letting him fix his own plate might be their way of keeping things equal. Try not to take it as disrespect; it's just a different rhythm.

But the laundry, that's fair game. You've done your share over the years. It's perfectly fine to set a kind boundary there. You should say something like, "Honey, I love helping when I can, but I can't keep up with all this laundry anymore."

No lectures or phone calls to her mom are needed. A little warmth, a little humor and a gentle reminder that you've already earned your break will go a long way.

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