ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I regularly host events at our home for groups from five to 20 people. We all have a wonderful time and enjoy one another's company.

However, there is one guest who always makes an offhand "joke" about something in our home or the way I run my kitchen. Things like, "This is the dumbest dish I've ever seen," or "Why do you always do things this way?" She thinks she's being cute and funny, but I find it hurtful.

I pride myself on being a good hostess and providing a comfortable place to let people unwind. I work very hard to make my home inviting.

How can I approach this person without seeming rude or insulting? I never want anyone to feel uncomfortable in my home.

GENTLE READER: The way to kill a tasteless joke is to take it seriously.

So the answer to the dumb-dish remark is, "I'm so sorry it offends you; let me take it from you." And to the doing-things-this-way remark, the response is, "Are you uncomfortable being here? Is something the matter?"

The response will be, "I was only joking." To which you reply, "Oh. What's the joke?"

Miss Manners promises that you will not have to do this long before you get an exasperated "Oh, never mind."

Problem solved.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: About six months ago, I lost my beloved husband after 34 years of marriage. At the five-month mark, I took off my rings, having realized that they were fairly tight. I've decided to leave them off permanently.

This is not a sign that I want to date again or a sign that I didn't love my husband. It's simply practical.

I've been advised that the proper move would have been to wear them on my right hand. I don't want to wear them on my right hand, and even if I did, doing so would have required all three rings to be resized. What are Miss Manners' thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That your advisers should mind their own business.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband was invited to the wedding of one of his employees' sons. The invite was clearly addressed only to him and did not include me. Over the years, my husband and this employee have had issues with their working relationship, which ultimately caused me to stop speaking to her.

He does not want to attend the wedding because of the fact that I was not on the invitation. How should he respond to this rude situation?

GENTLE READER: By saying that he regrets that he is unable to accept their kind invitation.

Yes, Miss Manners knows that you do not consider it kind. The omission was wrong -- whether or not it was related to those altercations -- as was the employee's failure to understand that this is not a business occasion.

But Miss Manners is trying to keep you from making the working relationship even worse.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2025 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN