ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at a coffeehouse in my neighborhood on a Saturday morning when my congressional representative took a seat two tables over. I had seen him there before, but refrained from approaching him or speaking with him.

I could tell from his informal clothing that he was trying to fit in and not be noticed. But because he took a seat close by, I thought I would try to say something about a political issue that's been on my mind.

He quickly cut me off, explaining that he was just there to eat something. I apologized and assured I would not bother him further.

I was so embarrassed that I haven't returned to that coffeehouse. I don't want him to see me and think that I'm stalking him. But I've been going to that coffeehouse for years, and he has only recently started going there.

Is it OK for me to return there?

GENTLE READER: He is not running for reelection, is he?

Actually, Miss Manners agrees that recognizable people should not have to engage with strangers when they are off duty. A quick compliment is usually appreciated, but you were proposing a political discussion.

Nevertheless, it is an important part of a legislator's job to listen to the views of constituents. He was foolish, as well as rude, to dismiss you so curtly. He could have said, "I want to hear your views, but this is not the time or place to have a discussion." Then he could have suggested that you visit his office, write a letter or attend a forum.

There is no reason for you to avoid the coffee shop. Perhaps it will present an opportunity for the politician to apologize to you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended a play at a theater that had just one single-stall ladies' room. When I was finished using the facilities, I opened the door and faced a woman standing squarely in my way, scowling at me. After holding the scowl for a few silent moments, she said, "I thought you'd never leave."

Taken aback, I merely laughed awkwardly as we sidled past each other.

Miss Manners, I promise I did not take an inordinate amount of time in the restroom. Was there a better way to respond?

GENTLE READER: "Oh, dear, am I responsible for your having an accident? I'm so sorry."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I find the common out-of-office message, "I will respond to your inquiries at my earliest convenience," extremely inappropriate.

Really, "at your earliest convenience"? I recommend "as soon as possible" or something more customer-friendly.

How can I tell someone in my organization who uses that message that it's not appropriate?

GENTLE READER: "There might be some pronoun trouble here. You don't mean to put off our customers until it's convenient for you to tend to them. You mean you will get back with them as soon as you can, don't you?"

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2025 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN