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DEAR MISS MANNERS: Less than 48 hours after my husband and I attended a gathering at the home of a couple from our walking group, I received a text from the hostess that read, "I hope you enjoyed the party. Should I assume it was an oversight on your part not to send a thank-you note? We believe we were gracious hosts and would appreciate gracious guests."

I was shocked to receive this message and taken aback by her audacity and temerity in sending it.

I believe that when she mentioned a "note," she was referring to a text or an email, as no handwritten note could have reached her in 48 hours. We had thanked and hugged them upon leaving.

I've never heard of someone texting with a demand to be thanked for their graciousness and implying that we don't have any. I texted back that there was no need to worry: I'd written her a thank-you letter that would be mailed the following day. I then did so, also mailing a note to a woman we'd had dinner with the following night, and another letter thanking friends we'd visited out of town a week earlier.

There was zero "gracious" follow-up from her after this.

How should I move forward with grace, which I think she lacks? Should I just quit the walking group, even though there are other people there I enjoy? I'm happy walking on my own.

GENTLE READER: By all means, walk away from her. But not necessarily from the group, where you might find other victims of such self-defined graciousness.

Evidently, you are a model letter-writer, and it might be supposed that Miss Manners would appreciate help in encouraging others to write letters of thanks.

Nope. Not that kind of help.

Hosts should not go looking for thanks when they should still be looking for glasses that might have been left in the living room.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When we're dining out, my husband sometimes blows his nose on a tissue after dinner, then puts the used tissue on his dirty plate to be cleared by the server.

I find this disgusting, and I remove the tissue and put it in my pocket or purse. If you agree that it's disgusting, please give me the words to convince him to stop.

GENTLE READER: How about, "Please stop, dear. I find this disgusting"?

It never fails to amaze Miss Manners when people believe that their spouses would behave better for her sake than for theirs.

The consequences of offending Miss Manners at this distance are, unfortunately, slight. The consequences of disgusting one's wife, whether or not one agrees with her premise, could be enormous.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN