Parents Skeptical Of Daughter's College Plans
DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is going to be a senior in high school next year, so my husband and I have started talking about colleges. She told us that she wants to go to college abroad in London. Her dad and I donÕt like this idea at all because sheÕll be so far away from us. We live in California and couldnÕt stand the fact that she wonÕt likely be able to make it home for most holidays. She insists this has been her dream for years. She loves the idea of experiencing a new culture, becoming more independent and building a life outside of what sheÕs always known.
While I admire her ambition, I canÕt help but feel scared. SheÕs only 17. What if something happens and weÕre thousands of miles away? What if she gets homesick or overwhelmed and doesnÕt tell us? ThereÕs also the financial component. International tuition and travel costs are significantly higher than many of the schools here. We have saved for her education, but not necessarily for overseas expenses. She says sheÕll apply for scholarships and work part-time, but I worry she doesnÕt fully understand the reality of living alone in another country. Am I overreacting? -- Time for College
DEAR TIME FOR COLLEGE: Rather than telling your daughter no, be completely transparent with her. Talk about tuition, finances and connections. Tell her exactly how much you can contribute to her education. DonÕt exaggerate the number. Encourage her to research schools and costs for as many schools abroad as she can so that she has a clear understanding of cost. She should also research work opportunities in London. It is not always easy for an American to get work privileges abroad. ItÕs more likely that she will qualify for a student visa, not a work visa.
Another option that may be a viable compromise is to suggest that your daughter choose a school stateside that is affordable and that has a healthy study abroad program. Perhaps she can go to school here and spend a year abroad. That way she can get a taste of international life without breaking the budget.
DEAR HARRIETTE: Over the years, my sisters and I have struggled through clashing personalities, intense disagreements and wonky power dynamics. In our latest disagreement, my younger sister and I expressed that we think our older sister is often MIA or unreliable but then expects everything to be run past her for all important affairs and family decisions. This is not news; weÕre just tired of it and finally decided to speak up. Since then, our older sister has deliberately ignored us -- via text, when weÕve asked to meet up to talk and in public around others.
The last straw came when my sister saw me at a friendÕs party and completely ignored me; it felt definitive. It feels unhealthy always making room for her irresponsible and entitled behavior. Do I have a duty to keep trying, or should I respect her decision to part ways? -- Sister Wars
DEAR SISTER WARS: Stop begging your sister to respect you. Stand down. When you stop reacting to her bad behavior, she may change. Stop following her requirement to defer to her. Those days are over.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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