Grandma Chooses Incense Over Granddaughter's Health
DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom has gotten into burning incense lately, and whenever I bring my 10-year-old daughter over, she has an allergic reaction to it. She starts coughing and sneezing and has even gotten rashes from it. I've asked my mom not to burn it on days when she watches my daughter after she gets out of school, but she says no because it helps her relax and she likes the smell of it. This has been frustrating because my mom is the one who offered to help watch my daughter after school while I'm at work. I'm grateful for the help since child care is expensive and my work schedule makes it hard to pick my daughter up right away. At the same time, it's painful to see my daughter clearly uncomfortable every time she's in my mom's house.
Now I feel stuck. I appreciate that my mom is helping me out with child care, but I feel like my daughter's health should come first. I don't want to start an argument with my mom or seem ungrateful, but I also don't want my child to suffer every time she goes over there. Should I find different child care or keep bringing my daughter to her grandma's house? -- Smoked Out
DEAR SMOKED OUT: Your mother is being irrational and is not thinking about the responsibility that she willingly accepted. It is unconscionable to put her granddaughter in a space where she can't breathe simply because she likes the smell. Ask your mother to reconsider her position. Point out how your daughter's body reacts to being in her space -- the coughing and rashes. Emphasize that you are talking about a health issue, not a preference.
If your mother refuses to budge, you will need to find another place for your daughter to go after school. It may be hard to pay for it, but your daughter's health is most important.
DEAR HARRIETTE: A couple of weeks ago, a group of old friends and I got together and ended up having a conversation about our love lives. Some of my male friends asked me what kind of partner I am interested in and offered to keep an eye out for decent candidates for me. It seemed like a fleeting conversation at the time, but since then one of those guys, who is married, has texted me a couple of times referencing the conversation -- just small jokes about what we discussed.
Yesterday, he texted me late at night saying he'd love to continue the conversation and learn more about my likes and dislikes. It felt borderline flirtatious to me. Perhaps I am overthinking this because I've heard rumors that he and his wife are experiencing trouble in paradise. I haven't responded. How would you handle this? -- Borderline Inappropriate
DEAR BORDERLINE INAPPROPRIATE: Trust your instincts. During daylight hours, text him back and thank him for his interest but tell him you don't feel comfortable continuing this conversation. He may be well-meaning, but his overtures are crossing the line -- you don't have to say that; just don't continue to respond.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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