Q. The kids’ dad has not set up the kids’ rooms in his apartment yet and it’s been 6 months. They are telling me they want to see their dad, but they are tired of sleeping on the floor. I think it’s finances. I don’t want them to stop seeing their dad, but I understand that they want a bed. What’s good ex-etiquette?

A. Most who break up feel it’s best to go their separate ways. Understandable, but if you have a court order that indicates shared custody of the children, some sort of co-parenting is required. To co-parent properly, parents need a plan. Granted, this is a difficult step for parents who are estranged, but it’s necessary if you want an easy transition from house to house for your kids.

So, what does a co-parenting plan look like? You discuss with your co-parent:

The parenting plan. How often will the children see each parent?

Transportation: Who picks up and drops off and at what location?

Agree to not discuss anything with the other parent at the exchanges. Exchanges are not for conflict resolution.

How will you communicate if one of you is late? Text? And, is there an agreement that you will text if you are later than say, 10 minutes?

Where will the children sleep? Do they have beds at both of your homes? Do you agree on bedtimes? Approach to homework?

Who will make the doctor or dentist appointments? Will you both attend appointments? What about school conferences?

If you need child care, will you call each other first and agree on a common child care provider, or is it every person for themselves?

If there are extras, will you split the cost?

How long after you split will you date and come to agreement about when it is appropriate to introduce a new partner?

There’s more, but I think you understand the point. There needs to be a conversation and an agreement for how you will do things once you split or your children will flounder. The more organized you are, the safer your children will feel.

Now, let’s approach the question of beds. If parents want their children to feel comfortable, they must create a comfortable environment for them. I understand it could be a question of funds, but if you don’t create a comfortable place for your kids to sleep, don’t be surprised if they don’t want to stay the night.

Good ex-etiquette for Parents Rule No. 2 is “Ask for help if you need it.” Things like checking with friends for an extra bed would be a good place to start. Or, have you ever heard of an “extra party”? It’s a potluck get-together in someone’s name to help them get started again. If you have something extra, bring it. Got an extra blender in the garage? Bring it. Coffee pot? An extra blanket or towels? Are you sick of those old coffee mugs or silverware? Bring them -- anything to help someone start over. Ask around about an extra bed and you will see — a friend will have one they want to get rid of and the kids will no longer be sleeping on the floor. It just takes a little creativity. That’s good ex-etiquette.

©2025 Tribune Content Agency, LLC