If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.

I think, therefore, I'm single.

The phrase 'working mother' is redundant.

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.

"When we do the best we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life or in the life of another."

Part of being sane, is being a little bit crazy.

I have a problem about being nearly sixty: I keep waking up in the morning and thinking I'm thirty-one.

Acting is standing up naked and turning around very slowly.

To say something nice about yourself, this is the hardest thing in the world for people to do. They'd rather take their clothes off.

No man is responsible for his father. That was entirely his mother's affair.

Just the knowledge that a good book is awaiting one at the end of a long day makes that day happier.

We all like stories that make us cry. It's so nice to feel sad when you've nothing in particular to feel sad about.

Experience: A comb life gives you after you lose your hair.

Try to love someone who you want to hate, because they are just like you, somewhere inside, in a way you may never expect, in a way that resounds so deeply within you that you cannot believe it.

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?

The point of quotations is that one can use another's words to be insulting.