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Q: Our family has been through a few challenges but overall I think we're pretty healthy relationally. Still, our day-to-day lives together seem a little flat and mundane. Do you have any advice?

Jim: I'd suggest you start with an honest assessment of how often you laugh together -- because as the saying goes, it truly is good medicine relationally.

Improving the atmosphere in your home is something you can start on right away. No matter what we're facing, we choose how to respond. Sure, some scenarios are serious and call for a sober reaction -- but every day brings opportunities to show our children how to enjoy life.

In fact, that skill may be most important in the midst of struggles. As we continually choose joy when we're tempted to be discouraged, we're modeling a life-changing habit for our kids.

Practically speaking, one way to nurture joy and fun seems almost too simple: just re-learn to play! Set aside the to-do list occasionally and join your children in play. You'll immediately see a difference in your family's overall mood.

Second, remember that serving others can work wonders for our state of mind. As we take the focus off our own problems by helping someone else, we usually find that joy and gratitude follow.

Finally, don't cry over spilled milk. Everyone makes mistakes. But if we allow mishaps to ruin our day, our kids will find it difficult to extend grace to themselves and others. Instead of shaming our children for honest mistakes, we can put an arm around them and remind them that accidents happen -- and we love them unconditionally no matter what.

In the end, just a few simple habits can change the entire atmosphere in your home. For more tips and tools, see FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: I'm trying to help my children learn that their actions show a lot about their character. Do you have any ideas?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: Each of our actions suggests something about our values and motives. This goes for parents as well as kids -- so what we model speaks louder than what we say.

Many of our behaviors can be interpreted in light of "I'm acting as if" statements. For example, being impatient with your children can translate into "I'm acting as if my kids are a nuisance to me." Working excessively long hours might equal "I'm acting as if rest and renewal are unimportant for me and my family."

However, there are also positive "I'm acting as if" messages. Listening intently to your daughter and talking with her conveys the idea "I'm acting as if understanding and guiding my kids is important." Setting a bedtime for a younger child says, "I'm acting as if boundaries and limits are important because they encourage healthy habits."

The phrase "you are acting as if" holds a mirror up to your child's character. It can help start the conversation about what's observed and what may need some attention.

For instance, after observing a child's behavior, a parent could say, "I've noticed you acting as if ..."

-- "school is a miserable place for you."

-- "a smartphone is your only ticket to social survival."

-- "you can't get by without video games."

-- "your value comes from winning."

-- "wearing certain clothes is essential to finding love."

-- "having a boyfriend or girlfriend seems like a 'need' to you."

Parents can follow up on these statements by asking, "Am I on target or not? Why?"

This exercise becomes a tool to point the conversation inward instead of getting stuck on outward behaviors. It's also designed to focus your efforts on understanding, communication and guidance rather than control. Character formation takes a lot of work and grows from the inside out.

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Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

Copyright 2025 Focus On The Family. (This feature may not by reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without written permission of Focus on the Family.)

COPYRIGHT 2025 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.