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Q: I know that this time of year is supposed to be the "feel good" season. But in our house it just seems like wall-to-wall stress for a whole month. How can we change that pattern?

Jim: I think many of us can relate -- the days between Thanksgiving and Christmas are some of the busiest of the year. As the decorations go up, so does the pace. Shopping, social obligations, preparing for those social obligations, end-of-year appointments ... it's exhausting just to think about.

If we're not careful, the Christmas season can fly by in a blur. And when all is said and done, we'll have little or nothing to show for it. No joy. No special memories. Just stress and credit card bills. So here are a few ideas to put the Christmas spirit back into the season.

First, go slower. Admittedly, this is a tough one. But try to live in the moment. Stop what you're doing occasionally to pray and let the spiritual aspect of the season fill your heart and soul.

Second, do less. Again, this is a challenge. There's a lot to be done this time of year, but maybe some of it (much of it?) isn't really necessary. Cut back where you can.

Finally, create more memories. Realistically, in a few months you quite possibly won't remember a single present you received this year. What you WILL remember are the special times you spent with your family and closest friends. Make the most of those times.

Christmas is all in the heart. The decorations are fun and the gifts are great. But those things don't make Christmas truly special. What will last are the memories we make with those we love.

Q: I'm in my early twenties and live in my parents' home. Over the past few years I've had several relationships; unfortunately, Mom and Dad haven't been too keen on any of them. I want to honor my parents and we generally get along fine. But I also need to live my own life. How should I approach my parents' negative feelings about the people I've been dating?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: Honestly, I think your present conflicts have more to do with your living situation than the nature of your romantic interests.

You didn't specify whether you're attending college, working full-time or something else. Whatever the scenario, you may want to begin taking steps to become more self-sufficient. In other words, work toward getting out on your own. A measure of financial independence can be surprisingly empowering and liberating.

Once you're out from under your parents' roof, you'll find it easier to sort out any family dynamics that might have been frustrating your relationships with members of the opposite sex. Naturally, you're wise to take your mom and dad's desires into account -- and you'd be well-served to maintain the values they've worked so hard to pass along during your growing-up years. At the same time, someone your age needs to learn how to think, choose and act independently. Living on your own will help you achieve the perspective (and distance) you need in order to do those things.

When and if you find yourself becoming involved in another romantic relationship, I'd urge you to move forward with discernment and caution. Give your parents' perspective the careful consideration it deserves. But also take time to listen to the counsel of wise friends and advisors. Be independent, but lean on the input from those who know you well and have proven themselves to have your best interests in mind.

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Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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