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Attorney General Pam Bondi recently congratulated President Donald Trump in a cabinet meeting, saying that he has personally saved 258 million lives.

Bondi said millions of fentanyl-laced pills that teenagers would have bought thinking they were "a Tylenol or an Adderall" (there, apparently, being a demand for black-market acetaminophen) have been seized in the president's first 100 days. 76% of the United States would have died in that time if it weren't for Trump, Bondi pointed out. She did later walk that back a bit, tweeting that he's actually only saved 119 million lives through the seizure of more than 22 million fentanyl-laced pills. Each pill, by her math, would have killed 5.4 people, and only a third of the U.S. population.

Iranian journalist Amir Taheri has written that "official flatterers describe (supreme leader Ali Khamenei) as a 'Divine Gift to Mankind' or as the 'Shining Sun of the Imamate,'" and says that Khamenei is more often quoted in official discourse than either the Koran or the Prophet Muhammad.

"You've probably assembled the greatest cabinet ever," Interior Secretary Doug Burgum told Donald Trump on camera. George Washington's choices of Thomas Jefferson as Secretary of State and Alexander Hamilton as Treasury Secretary pale in comparison.

From the "Hymn to Stalin," by the Russian writer Aleksandr Avdeyenko:

"Thank you, Stalin. Thank you because I am joyful. Thank you because I am well. No matter how old I become, I shall never forget how we received Stalin two days ago. Centuries will pass, and the generations still to come will regard us as the happiest of mortals, as the most fortunate of men, because we lived in the century of centuries, because we were privileged to see Stalin, our inspired leader. Yes, and we regard ourselves as the happiest of mortals because we are the contemporaries of a man who never had an equal in world history."

"What we have to recognize as a country is we've never had a genius, in terms of an entrepreneur, in office before like this," said GOP Rep. Burgess Owens of Trump in April during the tariff discussions.

Saparmurat Niyazov, the former authoritarian leader of Turkmenistan, incorporated elements of the book he wrote, "Ruhnama" ("Book of the Soul"), in driving tests and claimed that anyone who read the book three times would automatically go to heaven.

"Actually, throughout my life, my two greatest assets have been mental stability and being, like, really smart," Trump tweeted in 2018. "I went from VERY successful businessman, to top television star ... to President of the United States (on my first try). I think that would qualify as not smart, but genius ... and a very stable genius at that!"

In 1970, Chinese politician Lin Biao sought to have China's constitution changed to add a description of Mao Zedong as a "genius." Mao did not support the change.

"I have the world's greatest memory," Trump told reporter Katy Tur in 2016. "It's one thing everyone agrees on."

Former North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il, the inventor of the hamburger, shot a 38 under par the first time he golfed on the Pyongyang Golf Course, snagging an impressive five holes in one, and bowled a 300 his first time at Pyongyang Lanes bowling alley.

After Trump tweeted in 2017: "Despite the constant negative press covfefe" (and then nothing else), then-Press Secretary Sean Spicer said that "covfefe" was not a misspelling but an intentionally mysterious use of a new word.

"I think the president and a small group of people know exactly what he meant," Spicer said at the time.

In a manual provided to North Korean teachers in 2015 on "Kim Jong-Un's Revolutionary Activities," educators were instructed to inform their students that Kim Jong-Il's son, Kim Jong-Un, learned to drive when he was 3 years old and piloted a yacht so well that he beat the visiting CEO of a yacht company in a race when he was 9 years old.

"I'd like to be pope," Trump said jokingly when asked who he wanted to be the next pope. "That would be my number one choice."

In response, Sen. Lindsey Graham tweeted he was "excited to hear that President Trump is open to the idea of being the next Pope. This would truly be a dark horse candidate, but I would ask the papal conclave and Catholic faithful to keep an open mind about this possibility! The first Pope-U.S. President combination has many upsides. Watching for white smoke.... Trump MMXXVIII!"

Speaking of Kim Jong-Il, his official biography stated that his body was so perfectly calibrated that he did not defecate or urinate.

But these are all unrelated historical tidbits. One hopes.

To learn more about Georgia Garvey, visit GeorgiaGarvey.com.

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