ArcaMax

Dear Cathy,

After helping my beloved Cavalier King Charles find peace from his battle with heart disease and cancer, we brought home a male toy poodle. He is beautiful, intelligent, funny – and violently aggressive.

From the beginning, I worked hard to socialize him. He went to puppy preschool and attended day camp twice a week for over three years. I introduced him to neighbors and their dogs, and he seems to accept those he met early on. I used every positive training method suggested by experts, and he learned to follow them – unless something triggered him.

I have developed an ability to talk him past people and dogs that might set him off. But the real problem is that his favorite target is me. Nearly every day, he attacks me. At best, he snarls and bites at my feet (thankfully, I wear shoes). At worst, he bites whatever part of me he can reach – my hands are scarred, and he has bitten my abdomen, upper thighs, and more. These are not nips. His bites draw blood and leave deep bruises. And he doesn’t just fly at me and stop – he backs off, then comes at me again.

I cannot, however, convince anyone that this is abusive. The vet says, “That’s just how he is.” My husband adores him – and the dog loves him too. I am told to hit the dog to protect myself. Neither my husband nor the vet will consider the possibility that this dog may not be curable or that I am in significant danger.

— Theresa, Theresa, Greensboro, North Carolina

Dear Theresa,

First, let me say how sorry I am that you’re going through this. You opened your heart and home after the loss of a beloved pet, only to find yourself living in fear of the one you welcomed in. That’s not how it should be. And what you’re describing – daily attacks, deep bites, physical and emotional harm – is not simply challenging behavior. It’s dangerous.

This is not your fault. From what you describe, you have done everything right. You started with socialization, used positive reinforcement, introduced your dog to new people and animals early on, and gave him time, attention, and training. Many would have given up long ago. You didn’t. You have stayed committed, even as the situation worsened. That is not only admirable but also proof you have tried.

But there comes a point when trying is no longer enough, especially when your safety is at risk. And yes, your safety is at risk. These are not warning nips or isolated incidents. You’re describing repeated, escalating attacks, drawing blood and leaving scars. This isn’t just about a dog with triggers; it’s about a relationship that has become unsafe for you.

Your veterinarian may be well-meaning, but “this is how he is” is not an acceptable response to aggression that results in repeated injuries. And being told to hit the dog to protect yourself? I am not sure who told you that, but please don’t. That’s not a solution; it’s a pathway to even more serious behavior by the dog and injury to you.

I strongly recommend that you consult with a certified animal behaviorist or a veterinary behaviorist as soon as possible. A behaviorist can assess the situation, recommend a behavior modification plan, and may also suggest behavioral medication to help reduce your dog’s reactivity while training is underway. This kind of professional support can be essential in helping you determine whether safety and quality of life can be restored for both of you.

These are difficult conversations, but they are necessary – and a behaviorist is best equipped to guide you and your husband through your options if the treatment plan doesn’t work. (If this behavior developed later in life and wasn’t present during puppyhood, I also recommend having a full veterinary exam and blood work done (maybe with a different vet) to rule out any underlying medical conditions that could be worsening the aggression.)

Sadly, despite their intelligence, charm, and the best of care, some dogs struggle with deep-rooted behavioral challenges that require expert help to overcome. Your safety matters. With proper support and a plan tailored to your dog’s needs, many behavior issues can be managed or improved over time.

You’ve already shown incredible dedication. With guidance from a certified behaviorist, you don’t have to face this alone.

To find an accredited behavior professional, visit the directories of the International Association of Animal Behavior Consultants (IAABC), the American College of Veterinary Behaviorists (ACVB), the American Veterinary Society of Animal Behavior (AVSAB), or the Animal Behavior Society.

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(Cathy M. Rosenthal is a longtime animal advocate, author, columnist and pet expert who has more than 25 years in the animal welfare field. Send your pet questions, stories and tips to cathy@petpundit.com. Please include your name, city, and state. You can follow her @cathymrosenthal.)

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