My Pet World: Separation anxiety — Teaching dogs that you’ll always come back

Cathy M. Rosenthal, Tribune Content Agency on Oct 1, 2025

Dear Cathy:

My wife and I have adopted a 90-lb. male GSD (German Shepherd dog) that was picked up as a stray in a Texas shopping center parking lot. He is a healthy, four- to five-year-old dog. The day he was scheduled to be killed a friend's daughter saw him on the internet and adopted him from 1,000 miles away. He stayed with her family, including three dogs for three weeks but one of her dogs just couldn't adjust to the new addition. We had recently lost our 14-year-old German Shepherd dog, so we gladly adopted him, and he was shipped 900 miles to us.

I work from home, which I thought was perfect to help him settle in. For the first week he would run and cower behind our dining room table each time I stood up. I had to lay on the floor to get him to come to me to attach his leash for a walk. He was quick to learn basic commands, and he spends much of his indoor time in his open-door kennel without being sent there.

Four months later, he is still so anxiety-ridden when we are apart that our boarding kennel will not let him return. He has not been aggressive but is big and strong and will not listen well to the facility's employees making them uncomfortable. We've used this boarding facility for years for two prior GSDs.

He is a model boy when he's with me, non-reactive to people and other dogs. Every day he walks on the beach with me and often with some friends. He's off-leash for much of the walk and gets great exercise. What do you advise us to do to quell our Velcro boy's full-time need for his dad?

— Jerry, Virginia Beach, Virginia

Dear Jerry,

What you are describing is classic separation anxiety. After all he’s been through, you are his safety net, his stability, and his family. The good news is that with patience, practice, and a bit of desensitization training, you can help him feel more secure when you’re not around.

Start small. Practice short absences to set him up for success. For example, jiggle your keys, then put them down and stay inside. Since the sound of your keys signals you’re leaving, repeating the action without actually leaving teaches him to stay calmer around that trigger. Reward him with a treat for staying calm.

A few days later, once that trigger feels less stressful, jiggle the keys again, then step outside for just a minute or two where he can still see you. Return calmly and give him a treat for remaining relaxed. Gradually build up the time away, always keeping it short enough so he learns: “Dad leaves, but Dad always comes back.” Pair these practice moments with something positive, like a special chew (if you will be gone for less than five minutes) or a food puzzle you only give him when you step out. Since he’s already comfortable in his kennel, that can be the safe, familiar space for that special puzzle toy or treat.

I also find it helps to medicate some dogs during this desensitization training period to take the edge off and make it easier for them to learn. Talk with your vet about anti-anxiety medication or look for an over-the-counter calming chew product that contains melatonin and theanine.

In addition, make sure he’s getting plenty of physical exercise (which you’re already providing with those wonderful beach walks) and mental exercise, too. Short training sessions, scent games, and puzzle feeders not only help tire him out, but also build his confidence.

When it comes to boarding, you may want to look for a facility that specializes in dogs with anxiety or consider an in-home pet sitter. Some dogs just don’t thrive in kennel environments, especially after the kind of upheaval he has endured. And in my experience, an in-home sitter often costs about the same as an overnight kennel.

You’ve already given this boy a new chance at life. With time and training, he’ll learn that he doesn’t need to hold on quite so tightly and that his place with you is secure, whether you’re in the room or not. With traumatized dogs, it can take time, many months, even a year, but don’t give up. He sounds like a good dog with an awesome, patient family who is there for him.

Feline fixes: Getting your cat into a carrier doesn’t have to be a battle. Teach your cats to love the carrier by leaving it open, adding soft bedding, and rewarding them when they step inside.

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(Cathy M. Rosenthal is a longtime animal advocate, author, columnist and pet expert who has more than 25 years in the animal welfare field. Send your pet questions, stories and tips to cathy@petpundit.com. Please include your name, city, and state. You can follow her @cathymrosenthal.)