ArcaMax

And now, ladies and gentlemen, I'm pleased to introduce the renowned motivational speaker Ward Back who will completely reverse your attitudes about life...

Thank you. Are you a reluctant beaver? A guilty bystander? A slim cat who got in on the top floor of an unsure-fire investment? Do you wish you were one of the great washed, a high man on the totem pole, a good-for-something instead of a small cheese who takes the bacon away from home?

When your enemy insults you, do you give him a dose of somebody's else's medicine? Do you tell him his days are alphabetized and give him the virtuous eye? Do you sink into low dudgeon, make bones about your anger and deify with faint praise?

Friend, do you feel like the enlisted seaman of your soul? Do you find yourself in foul fettle? Are you gone without the wind? Have you always given life your divided attention? Do even simple problems seem like a brainer?

Perhaps you were the white sheep in your family, a diamond in the smooth who always hit above the belt, subtracted insult from injury, engaged in low jinks and had the first laugh. You probably always went half-hog, felt too small for your britches and had a tendency to bite off less than you could chew.

Are you always gathering the high-hanging fruit? Thinking inside the box? Trying to survive an imperfect storm of trouble? Consoling yourself by saying, "It is what it isn't"?

Maybe you need to step away from the plate, spit out the Kool-Aid, pull the envelope and burn your candle at one end.

For crying out soft!

Beggars CAN be choosers! Take your shirt off, release your horses and exhume the hatchet! Keep a loose upper lip, and you'll always be at tight ends. Better to be sorry than safe!

Soon you'll be all pointer fingers as you run a fly-by-day operation. You'll feel like a fish in water, an elder in the woods and a bat out of heaven. Run for office and you'll be a light horse candidate, a short shot and a nimble duck.

People will start giving you long shrift and calling you a foul-weather friend. Your ideas will be fully baked and worth a hill of beans -- baked beans. You'll be ahead of the eight ball, within the pale and barking up the right tree.

Achieving your dreams will be as easy as taking candy from a senior citizen. Soon you'll be hoisting yourself on somebody's else's petard, eating arrogant pie and getting up on the right side of the bed. You'll be skating on thick ice!

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Rob Kyff, a teacher and writer in West Hartford, Connecticut, invites your language sightings. His book, "Mark My Words," is available for $9.99 on Amazon.com. Send your reports of misuse and abuse, as well as examples of good writing, via email to WordGuy@aol.com or by regular mail to Rob Kyff, Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

Copyright 2025 Creators Syndicate Inc.