Why Your Truth Matters in the Age of Hate
April 18 is National Columnists Day. Because of this, I want to hold space for the writer in all of us. Don't believe we are all writers? Just look at social media.
Gone are the days when opinions were sequestered to dinner tables or written in letters to the editor. Public opinions are no longer reserved for professional newspaper columnists and television pundits. Now, everyday community members can write or record their opinions, thoughts and feelings in a blog, for a podcast or on social media.
We are all commentators.
Last weekend for the virtual Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop, author Anne Lamott told attendees in her keynote talk, "Tell me a story, make me care." This is what most people crave, a story or relatable anecdote that makes us laugh, or helps us commiserate and care. But we don't tend to share our stories on social media. Instead, we turn to Facebook, TikTok and X to rage, finger-wag and blame in frustration.
Contempt without context doesn't reach anyone except those who already agree with you. It's self-righteous public shaming that only serves to rally the like-minded. When has shame ever changed anyone's mind? Finger-wagging usually makes a person dig in and defend or hurl insults back. Maybe save the venting and indignation for your best friend or spouse someplace offline.
If you're looking for a way to change, or at least reach, hearts and minds, contempt won't get you there. Like Lamott says, tell us a story, make us care. So, what's your story? Find the courage to tell us your truth.
Your story, your truth, matters. Combating rage and hate requires love and compassion, and our personal stories really do help others empathize, relate and care. That is what I strive to do every time I share someone's story with you. I want to hold space for others to safely express themselves so everyone feels that they belong. For my fellow Simon Sinek fans out there, this is my "why."
It's brave to share your story, and if you're not ready to do that yet, I understand. Courage and healing take time. Until then, I encourage you to question every knee-jerk emotional reaction you have. Maybe take a moment to sit with the feeling instead of reacting with a cutting post or comment. Try to remember something specific that's happened to you or to someone you love that may explain your emotional reaction. It might help you better understand and articulate why what you saw or read matters so much to you. Then, share that anecdote instead of whatever contemptuous rant first popped into your head.
Your story will take you much further in the commentary space than your vitriol. Will you still receive snide comments in response? Probably. Don't engage. I get far fewer nasty comments because those who come to my page know that I won't engage, so they don't even start. I will engage with kindness and genuine curiosity, and I allow the positive reactions to my stories revive my faith in humanity. I will not engage with hate or contempt. It's not worth my energy.
If you truly want to change hearts and minds and not simply shame someone who disagrees with you, then a personal story is the better way to go. Before you write any comment or post, first ask yourself, what is the purpose of my commentary? Why does it matter if I engage with this post?
Sure, it feels good to shred someone for their unkind comments, but that feeling is fleeting and it's not productive. Don't let anyone reduce you to contemptuous commenting. Keyboard warriors and haters are not worth your time and energy. Let them throw their fit.
If we're going to do right by our communities, right by our country and right by our world, then we all have to become better commentators. We do this by sharing our truth, posting with purpose and commenting with care. For National Columnists Day, I invite you to listen to my TED Talk: Contempt Versus Connection in Online Communication and continue the conversation. Together, we can make this world a better place, one social media post at a time.
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Do you know anyone who's doing cool things to make the world a better place? I want to know. Send me an email at Bonnie@WriterBonnie.com. Check out Bonnie's weekly YouTube videos at https://www.youtube.com/bonniejeanfeldkamp. To find out more about Bonnie Jean Feldkamp and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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