ArcaMax

The cultural stereotype of a Catholic nun is often very uptight -- as in unmercifully swatting a child's knuckles with a ruler -- but sometimes it's more violent. Nuns plot murders.

This happened on the CBS crime drama/dramedy "Elsbeth" on Nov. 20. The main character, Elsbeth Tascioni, is a Chicago lawyer sent to New York City to enforce a federal consent decree with the NYPD. But every week, she's solving murders while she floats around in flamboyant outfits and a collection of large handbags.

In this implausible episode, the Archdiocese of New York decided to sell a 200-year-old convent to a scandalous pop star named Alaia Jade so she can transform it into a recording studio. At the beginning, the soon-to-be-displaced nuns about are watching one of her music videos, where she writhes and crawls around dressed in slutty-nun garb in a church setting, licking a crucifix and singing, "Crucify me / You can vilify me / I spit your gospel out / And fill you full of doubt."

This might be inspired by the pop star Sabrina Carpenter, who flounced about in a tiny black dress and a cross necklace inside a Catholic church in Brooklyn for her music video "Feather" two years ago. In that case, Carpenter's lyrics had nothing to do with religion. She was just dropping her love interest like a feather.

But in that real-life scenario, it became wildly controversial that the church allowed this filming. That's what makes this CBS plot so ridiculous. Can anyone really imagine the archbishop of New York, Cardinal Timothy Dolan, selling a historic convent to a scandalous musician and dumping the nuns out on the street? The New York press would have a series of field days.

Convents are typically owned by the religious order that operates them, not by the church itself. But this plot helped explain why the convent's Mother Superior decided to kill the pop star and save the convent. In a conversation with Alaia, the nun suggested she climb up into their decrepit bell tower and view the sunset for inspiration. Once there, a nun was tricked into ringing the bell early, causing the singer to be knocked out of a very big window by a very big bell. It was so cartoonish you'd expect a splat like a Wile E. Coyote cartoon.

Once Elsbeth started circling the bell tower and figuring out how Mother Superior conspired in the dirty deed, the nun entered the confessional and told a priest who aspired to be bishop that she encouraged the pop star's climb and it could cause "irreparable harm to the church." The priest banned Elsbeth and the cops from the premises unless they had a search warrant. This makes both priests and nuns look very shady.

To throw off the odor of anti-Catholic bias, the rest of the nuns were all presented as wonderful, like they'd marched in from the set of "Sister Act." Elsbeth not only solved the murder but saved the convent by engineering a designation of historic preservation. Couldn't the church have figured that out before someone was murdered?

"Elsbeth" was created by Robert and Michelle King, best known for the CBS drama "The Good Wife." They also made a Catholic-centered drama called "Evil" about exorcisms for CBS and Paramount Plus.

This episode wasn't vicious, like the "Law & Order: SVU" episode in 2016 where the auxiliary bishop of New York was running a large sex trafficking ring with Catholic school girls. But it still exploited sacred spaces of Catholic life for its juicy murder plot -- like a slutty pop star.

========

Tim Graham is director of media analysis at the Media Research Center and executive editor of the blog NewsBusters.org. To find out more about Tim Graham and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2025 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.