A young woman wasn't feeling well, and asked one her co-workers to recommend a physician.

"I know a great one in the city, but he is very expensive. Five hundred dollars for the first visit, and one hundred dollars for each one after that."

The woman went to the doctor's office and, trying to save a little money, cheerily announced.

"I'm back...Read more

One day, a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "Texas A & M."

A young man who wants to see the world signs on to a steamship to be trained as a helmsman. He masters the classroom instruction, then starts his practical training on the wheel of the vessel. In his first lesson, the mate gives him a heading, and the young fellow holds to it. Then the mate orders, "Come starboard."

Pleased at knowing ...Read more

I was at a once in a lifetime corporate hospitality at a premier football game and I got an urgent call from the wife saying her mum's been hit by a bus and has only hours to live.

Fifteen minutes later, I'm at the hospital and the wife's hugging me. "Thank-you darling, I'm so sorry you'll miss your football."

"Don't worry, love, I wouldn't ...Read more

I tried that thing today at the gas station where you try and stop the pump bang on what you want to pay, but let it go a fraction too late and it stopped on $20.03.

"Rats!" I shouted and walked into the shop to pay.

"Unlucky, pal," smiled the attendant, who'd seen what I'd done. "Don't worry about the extra."

"Thanks, pal," I said as I ...Read more

A number of Primary Schools were doing a project on "The Sea." Kids were asked to draw pictures or write about their experiences. Teachers got together to compare the results and put together some of the comments. Here are some of them -- the funny ones. The kids were all aged between 5 and 8 years...

If you are surrounded by sea you are an ...Read more

Why did God invent whisky?

So the Irish would never rule the world.

A man was in his front yard mowing grass, when his neighbor storms out of the house straight to the mailbox, opens it, slams it shut and storms back in.

A little later the neighbor storms out and does the exact same thing again, before storming back in even more red-faced.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, out the neighbor comes ...Read more

The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation. So he puts up a sign that reads: "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!"

He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons.

The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the ...Read more

For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you open a bottle of wine.

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long ...Read more

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the ...Read more

The young woman really thought she'd been very patient, through a protracted period of dating with no talk of marriage.

One night her steady boyfriend took her to a Chinese restaurant. As he perused the menu, he casually asked her, "So . . . how do you like your rice? Boiled? Steamed? Or fried?"

Without missing a beat, she looked over her menu...Read more

One of my husband's duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them, "There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!"

Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is the...Read more

- The principal singer of nineteenth century opera was called pre-Madonna.

- Gregorian chant has no music, just singers singing the same lines.

- Sherbet composed the Unfinished Symphony.

- All female parts were sung by castrati. We don't know exactly what they sounded like because there are no known descendants.

- Young scholars have ...Read more