A Real Event That Definitely Happened
DEAR MISS MANNERS: A car wash I patronize has two single-occupant washrooms, one labeled "Men," the other "Ladies." I had availed myself of the men's room, and as I was closing the door, someone pushed it open.
I stepped back, and in walked a 30-something woman. She closed the door, locked it and smiled at me as she walked by.
The men's washroom has a toilet and a urinal on one wall with a sink between them. The woman stood at the toilet, partly facing me, smiling, then dropped her slacks and underwear, giving me a view.
As she was sitting, she told me to go about my business.
Listening to her further stimulated me, so I proceeded to use the urinal. As I was zipping up, she stood, partly faced me again, giving me another view, then pulled up her clothing.
At the sink, she thanked me, adding that her need had been pretty urgent. I smiled and told her she was welcome. We continued some small talk, and she said, "Thanks again," as we were walking out.
This isn't the first time I've been in this situation. I haven't mentioned these occurrences to anyone else, nor have they mentioned any similar ones to me. From a woman's point of view, how should I have reacted?
GENTLE READER: Do Miss Manners a favor: Refrain from using the word "stimulated" when it is not meant sexually. And save your adult film-like descriptions of bathroom interactions for a different sort of column.
For any gender, using the bathroom is an eyes-on-your-own-paper sort of activity. Smiling, eye contact and small talk should be kept to a minimum and be strictly mundane. That is probably why your friends are not talking about it.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friends manage to arrive at most places at a specific time -- doctors' offices, work meetings, etc. However, two of my friends respond to my invitations by saying that they will be at my place "between 1 and 2."
To me, this means that they disrespect my time and schedule, and they are unwilling to make a time commitment to me like they do to others.
Also, what am I supposed to do in that hour -- twiddle my thumbs?
From this point forward, I will be telling anyone who gives me an "arrival window" that that doesn't work for me and that I'll need a specific time. Anyone else have this experience?
GENTLE READER: Why is it that your friends are dictating what time they show up at your house in the first place? That is not how hosting works.
Miss Manners suggests you retrain them by giving a fixed time to show up and not accepting counteroffers. ("No, Darlene, I said 1 p.m., not between 1 and 2. I have to time the souffle.")
There will be an awkward period as they get used to the change, and they might be unpleasant when you have to enforce it (flat souffle, anyone?). But, as with training a dog or a child, you will all come out stronger and less resentful for it. And with a better souffle.
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2025 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN
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