ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughters play competitive soccer. It is understood, and often in the rule book, that the parents of one team sit on one side of the field and the parents of the other team sit on the other side.

Several times over the years, parents from the other team have sat on our side. Usually it's not a big deal, but sometimes it makes things awkward.

During our last game, half of the parents from the other team elected to sit behind our team so they could enjoy the sunshine, as their side was in shade. They then proceeded to make snarky comments to and about our players, and us, during the game. After the game, one of the parents from the other team tracked a parent down to begin an altercation for a perceived slight.

In my opinion, these are the reasons we have the rules that parents sit on different sides in the first place!

Is there something I can say to encourage them to sit on their own side during the game, or do good manners dictate that I just sit silently by?

GENTLE READER: Oh, good manners have left the playing field entirely. Because those would dictate that parents can be trusted to sit together at a sporting event of school-aged children without causing a scene.

In an attempt to reinstate decorum, Miss Manners suggests you turn your attention toward shaming the other parents into pleasantness, rather than enforcing rules that encourage bad behavior. When you hear comments about yourself or the players, innocently respond, "Sorry, were you talking about us? Because we think both teams are doing really well, don't you?"

If nothing else, this will infuriate them. Since that seems to be the goal of all this anyway.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I belong to a group of ladies who are currently living in the United States. Their citizenship status varies.

One of our ladies comes from a part of the world that is now engaged in armed conflict. She has often spoken of the terrible carnage and loss of life, especially the children.

I would like to acknowledge her grief and despair, but I'm not quite sure what is appropriate. I don't believe she's lost any family members or people that she personally knows, so a condolence card doesn't seem appropriate. And I'm certain that her politics and mine differ somewhat, so entering into a political discussion to show sympathy won't work.

She is in so much pain when she speaks of the loss of innocence. Can you recommend anything that would show her I care? I am friendly with this woman, but have not developed a strong relationship to her yet.

GENTLE READER: You can be sympathetic to this woman's pain, Miss Manners assures you, without taking a stance on its source. "This is awful. I am so sorry" is all you need say, repeated as many times as necessary -- and with increasing emphasis if she tries to engage you in further political discussion.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2025 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN