ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am casual friends with D and F. We all became friends when our boys were in elementary school, but now the boys are grown and we see each other infrequently, only getting together every couple of years.

A few years ago, D sent F a Christmas card, but sent it to our address accidentally. (I don't exchange Christmas cards with either of them, which is fine.) I texted both of them, we had a good laugh and I dropped off the card at F's house while running errands.

Six months later, we got a graduation announcement from D, meant for F. I mailed it directly to F in a larger envelope, and texted F to ask that she contact D directly to make sure she had their address. She said she would.

The following Christmas, we again got D's card, meant for F. I didn't text anyone; I just mailed it to F inside a larger Christmas card from our family, trying to embrace the spirit of the season.

This past Christmas, we received F's card from D once again. I texted D and was more firm this time about changing her records. She responded with a short but sincere apology text.

What should I do if I receive more cards meant for F? I think D is just disorganized (as opposed to lazy or entitled) and I don't want to cause drama. I could continue to just forward it (which is irritating to me), or I could put it back in the mailbox stamped "not at this address" (which seems cold, but would force her to change her records). I could also text D in November when she is actually addressing the cards and remind her to update her records (which seems like overreaching).

What do you suggest?

GENTLE READER: Unless you plan to be the E in this drama forever, you have two choices. You can hand future pieces back to the mail carrier and let the post office deal with it, or you can start a pile of items to forward when you get around to it.

Miss Manners allows for the possibility that you may not get around to it prior to retiring or dying. She is merely suggesting you not throw the items out, as then you would have to explain yourself if D discovers the items have not arrived.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In the months following my husband's passing, several people in the community either brought me a meal they had prepared or invited me out to dinner at a restaurant.

These were people I do not know well and have not otherwise socialized with. I gave them heartfelt thanks at the time and sent thank-you notes afterwards.

What are my reciprocal obligations to them? Am I required to make them a meal or invite them out in response?

GENTLE READER: Only in like circumstances, i.e., when they suffer a loss -- which, of course, you and Miss Manners hope will not occur.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN