ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a neighbor who makes it a point to tell me that she and her husband have an investment portfolio worth $1 million-plus.

I manage a smile and a "That's wonderful!," but I was brought up to not mention such things. And yes, there is an air of superiority and self-satisfied smugness about her comment that does, I admit, rub me the wrong way.

Perhaps this is because I am 25 years younger, so I have not yet been able to amass near that amount. I am also single, and perhaps not as smart, capable or ambitious as her brainy husband. She, conversely, has never worked outside the home -- again, how lucky for her.

GENTLE READER: Whew. Feel better?

Yes, her behavior is rude, but as you point out, it may be all she has. While you still have 25 more years to catch up.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I was swimming laps at the local pool, all the lanes were doubled up due to crowding. The person swimming in the lane next to mine was doing the breaststroke and hit me with her leg, under the lane rope, on two consecutive laps.

I ignored the first hit, but tried to get her attention at the end of the second lap to ask her to please be more careful. She didn't stop or acknowledge me, just did her turn at the wall and continued on.

Is there a polite way to ask her to address this, short of shouting or splashing? Or do I just have to put up with a foot hitting me in the ribs on each pass?

GENTLE READER: Do you ever see her in the locker room afterwards? If so, Miss Manners recommends you make small talk about how crowded the pool can get and that sometimes you do not even realize that what you are kicking is another person and not a wall.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a 12-year-old niece, the child of my late brother. She has been adopted by my mother, so I asked my niece if she preferred me to introduce her as my niece or my sister.

She responded with the preference of being introduced as my sister. I have no concerns and will do that, but I am curious if there is a protocol or etiquette for this situation.

I am the youngest of three brothers, and genuinely excited to have a sister, even with the unfortunate circumstances that created the situation. Even so, I am in my mid-40s, and I see some interesting expressions from people when I introduce my 12-year-old sister.

GENTLE READER: You asked your sister what would please her and she told you. Now you both can be amused by others' reactions as they scramble to do the math. Miss Manners assures you that you owe them no further explanation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I invite guests to my home for dinner, most of them very kindly bring a hostess gift. However, I rarely receive a thank-you note.

Do people these days think a hostess gift (which I really don't care to receive) is a replacement for a thoughtful, handwritten thank-you note?

GENTLE READER: Yes, they do. They also think it is a replacement for reciprocating the invitation.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN