Life Advice
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Asking Eric: Friend in a different country ambivalent about American political strife
Dear Eric: My bestie is a modern-day pen pal. That is to say I know him on only social
media. But we've had so many fine chats over the last decade, until recently.
He lives in another country, where personal freedom is strongly protected. I recently told him how bad things are here in the US – not how bad they could be, but how bad they are...Read more
When You've Always Been There for Family -- and They're No Longer There for You
Dear Annie: I am an 85-year-old widow living alone. I have three children, five grandchildren and five great-grandchildren. In years past, when I was still driving, I would visit regularly and made it a point to stay involved. I helped pay for camps, lessons, pageants, tutors and even household expenses. I have always tried to be generous with...Read more
Asking Eric: Wife feels neglected by husband caring for ailing father
Dear Eric: My husband and I have been married almost five years, and it has been wonderful. Six months ago, we had a major disruption when my 83-year-old father-in-law was diagnosed with dementia. He was admitted to hospice last week. We have no one to help with him, except for a sitter that is draining his wallet.
My husband and I have an 11-...Read more
Fractured Bonds
Dear Annie: My husband and I recently went on an eight-day cruise to Iceland with two close friends. We have been friends for more than 40 years and have traveled together many times. Two days before we were to leave, I tested positive for Covid. I went to urgent care, and the doctor told me I could still go on the trip. I began Paxlovid and ...Read more
Asking Eric: After paternity test, father struggles with relationship to children
Dear Eric: The short version is I caught my ex-wife in bed with someone when I was 26 years old. At the time I had 2-, 4-, and 6-year-old children. Two boys and one girl. I remarried at 30 years old and am now 64. I just found out through DNA testing that the three kids are not my children. They all have different dads. My ex is remarried and ...Read more
Fault-Finding Friends
Dear Annie: My spouse and I have longtime friends who visit from out of town several times a year. We've kept up this tradition for many years, and in return we also visit them. At first, these visits were enjoyable, but lately they've become a source of stress.
It began with small comments -- they said the guest bed wasn't comfortable and ...Read more
Millennial Life: Life in the Whelm
There's a word we should live again. I would like to be whelmed and not overwhelmed. Not underwhelmed and just whelmed. It's the state of being fully present in the flood of life, not drowning in it but not standing on dry land either.
That's where I want to live most days, especially on days with one-on-one meetings, but from flow to overflow ...Read more
Asking Eric: Fishy childcare solution frustrates friend
Dear Eric: I work in a small aquarium with a close friend of mine named Tom. Because my wife is in the late stages of pregnancy, I often take my youngest to the aquarium and leave her by the touch tanks while I work. This has caused some disputes between Tom and me, as he worries about leaving her unattended around the fish.
Both of my children...Read more
Words for the Fall
Dear Readers: Below are some of my favorite quotes about fall and the changing of seasons. I hope you enjoy their words as much as I do.
Ralph Waldo Emerson reminded us, "Each moment of the year has its own beauty." He also believed, "Nature always wears the colors of the spirit."
Henry David Thoreau urged us, "Live in each season as it ...Read more
Asking Eric: After partner’s death, man is consumed by guilt
Dear Eric: I am a mid-70s, single gay man with no close family ties. I never imagined that anyone could or would want to love me. Even when they were right there, showing me how much they cared.
I did three months of therapy via zoom. It was helpful, but I was not able to admit to that therapist the emotional neglect that I had subjected my ...Read more
When Is It Time to Rethink Old Friendships?
Dear Annie: I wonder if you could shed some light on something that's been bothering me.
I have five girlfriends I've been close with for many years. I keep their secrets, I don't talk behind their backs, and I've always treated them with respect. As we've gotten older and more serious about our lives, we each began moving out on our own, ...Read more
Asking Eric: Used car sale leaves neighbor feeling betrayed
Dear Eric: Almost a year ago, my husband, “Bob,” bought a 17-year-old car with 200,000 miles on it from a neighbor, “Jane.” It was in bad shape but ran well.
Last week Bob bought a car with 100,000 miles on it. I put sale ads for the older car on a popular social media site that I know Jane is on, and an ad in the local paper which I ...Read more
Babysitting or Back-Seat Parenting?
Dear Annie: My husband and I have a 3-year-old daughter, and we're trying to raise her with structure -- regular bedtime, limited screen time and no sweets before meals. The problem is my mother-in-law.
She watches our daughter twice a week, and despite repeated conversations, she ignores every boundary we set. She lets her stay up late, ...Read more
Asking Eric: Senior siblings try to find a way to talk without conflict
Dear Eric: My sister, age 86, and I, 84, have two younger brothers, 77 and 74. We have all been invited to share Thanksgiving with one of my brothers and his wife. We siblings are spread out geographically and are not particularly close but not estranged either.
We all agree that “the girls” had a significantly different upbringing than “...Read more
When Friends Pull Away
Dear Annie: My best friend, "Cara," has been dating a guy for about six months who, frankly, none of our friends can stand. He talks over her constantly, makes inappropriate jokes, and once made a rude comment about her weight right in front of us. She brushed it off like it was nothing, but I could tell she was embarrassed.
Since she started...Read more
Single File: Workaholism -- Part 2
The first step in rehab for a workaholic is to say out loud: "I am a workaholic. I've been using my work to hide from issues in my life." Believe it or not, this seemingly simple statement has enormous transformative power; it's a clear beginning. Next, get out your appointment book and a red pen and do the following:
1) On every page of your ...Read more
Ask Dating Coach Erika: Should I keep secrets from my partner?
I recently got a question from someone on my mailing list, not a client (so I don’t know their details intimately) but a person who seeks dating advice, and that question was this:
“Is it good to have some secrets in a relationship? Isn't that one of the many things that attracts a person… a little mystery? Are there things that you ...Read more
Ask Anna: Should I break up with someone I love but don't desire?
Dear Anna,
I'm a 31-year-old man who's been with my 27-year-old girlfriend for three years. We met through friends and clicked immediately — our conversations flow effortlessly and we laugh constantly together. But I'm struggling with something that's eating me alive: I'm losing physical attraction to her. When we started dating, I knew we ...Read more
Asking Eric: Years after parents’ death, friend still hasn’t dealt with inherited property
Dear Eric: I have a friend I'll call "Sally.” She is in her mid-50s and is single with no kids. Both of her parents are deceased. Prior to her mother's death, she quit her job to care for her. Once she passed, Sally inherited most of her property, including her older van, condo and belongings.
She has sorted through her mother's belongings ...Read more
No Closure, No Invitation
Dear Annie: My supervisor and I worked closely together for more than 30 years. Over that time, he became more than a boss; he was a friend. Even after he and his wife retired to Florida, he kept in touch, calling every week or two to check in with a handful of us from the old office. When he was back in town visiting two of his children, he ...Read more
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