ArcaMax

DEAR HARRIETTE: I think my son may be harboring some resentment toward me. We have a strained relationship, and even though I want us to be closer, the distance seems intentional on his end. If I try asking questions, he gets defensive or gives short responses only, and sometimes it turns into an argument or disagreement. On more than one occasion, he's referenced times in the past where I might've overstepped a boundary, spoken up on his behalf or been overbearing. How can I move forward with my son if he won't forgive me for the past? I wish he could realize that those things I did were just a mama bear looking out for her cub. -- Boy Mom

DEAR BOY MOM: Ask your son if the two of you can have a meeting where he shares all of his memories and concerns about your relationship. Ask him to let it all out so that you can hear whatever is on his heart. Do your best not to interrupt him. Clearly, things have occurred that have hurt his feelings. He needs to be able to say them all without backlash from you.

Apologize for whatever he mentions. Let him know that you never meant to hurt his feelings and that what you did was your way of being his mom and trying to protect him. Admit that you know you aren't perfect and that you are sorry if anything you did -- whether you continue to think it was justified -- hurt him.

Ask him if he is willing to put the past aside and work to build a new relationship with you now. Remind him that you love him and want nothing more than to be close to him. Be patient and ready to take this next step together. Be mindful of not taking over. Become a good listener.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a close friend who has been out of work for two years. I have helped him as much as I can, including fronting him rent money so that he doesn't go homeless and giving him carfare to go to job interviews. I love him and want to support him, but so far, he hasn't gotten a job. I have to support my family; I can't take on his financial burdens much longer. How do I address this with someone who is obviously in dire need? Part of me can't help but feel that I'm enabling him. Yes, it's hard to find work, but he knows I'm not going to let him be out on the streets. -- Broken Lifeline

DEAR BROKEN LIFELINE: Sit down with your friend and give him a timeline. Express how much you love him and want to have his back as you have had for the past two years, but you can no longer support him financially. Suggest that he look at social services to get short-term government support so he can buy food and keep his home. Give him a deadline at which point you can no longer give him money. This is difficult, I know, but he has to figure out his own life.

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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2025, Harriette Cole

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