Bank Manager Feels Disconnected From Co-Workers
DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently started working as a manager of a bank in New York City, and I'm having a hard time fitting in socially because most of my co-workers come from extremely wealthy families. They often talk about their extravagant weekend plans that include skiing or taking weekend trips. I don't come from this type of money, so it's hard for me to have anything to contribute to these conversations. I've worked hard to get to this position, and I feel confident in my professional abilities. However, I find myself staying quiet in group settings or avoiding after-work events because I worry I'll say the wrong thing or be judged for not living the same lifestyle.
I don't want this to hold me back from building relationships at work, especially since I know networking and connections are important in my field. At the same time, I don't want to pretend to be someone I'm not just to fit in. What are some topics I can talk to my co-workers about to help me fit in better? -- Misfit
DEAR MISFIT: Get comfortable with who you are. Just because you're not out skiing every weekend doesn't mean you aren't living. Think about the interesting things going on in your life. Be prepared to talk about what you have experienced with as much enthusiasm as they do. Do not lie. Just be you.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My 10-year-old daughter keeps begging me to buy her a ferret. I have told her she can't have one countless times, but she has been pleading with me to get her a ferret for over two years. I know that since she is so young, a lot of the care of the pet will fall on me. I work long hours, so I don't have the time.
I thought this was a phase that would pass, but her persistence has grown stronger over time. She brings it up constantly: after school, at dinner, even leaving little notes or showing me videos of ferrets online to try and convince me. She promises she will take full responsibility for feeding it, cleaning its cage and taking care of it, but I know realistically that at her age, those responsibilities won't consistently fall on her.
Part of me feels guilty because I can see how much she wants this. She's a good kid, she does well in school and she isn't someone who asks for a lot. I worry that by continuing to say no, I'm disappointing her or not rewarding her in a way that feels meaningful to her. At the same time, I don't want to make a decision that will add stress to our household or result in an animal not being properly cared for. What should I do? -- No Pet Zone
DEAR NO PET ZONE: Trust your instincts. Don't appease your child if the result could be pet neglect. Instead, if you want to compromise, come up with an age when she can have a ferret. Give her the goal, say, of age 12 or 13 to have a pet -- when you believe she can properly care for it fully by herself. Be prepared to make good on your promise if she remains committed. Set your terms, and have repercussions in place if she fails.
========
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
Comments