ArcaMax

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been going out with this guy for a few months now. He's great. His energy makes me feel comfortable, we have great conversations and he is well-mannered. When we have disagreements, they stay respectful and productive; however, there is one caveat: He has two kids, a son and daughter. They are both in middle school, and they need their father present to guide them.

I find myself not wanting to ask for too much time from my boyfriend because I feel like I am taking time away from his kids. Furthermore, I usually wouldn't pursue a relationship with someone with kids because it comes with additional responsibility that I don't think I'm ready for. Things between us have moved quickly, and I haven't said anything about how I feel to him yet. How do I say I'm not ready for kids without seeming insensitive or disrespectful? -- Stepparenting

DEAR STEPPARENTING: Have an honest conversation with him before you go any further. If you cannot see yourself sharing this man with his children, then you should leave. He cannot and should not sacrifice the health and well-being of his children for a relationship. He needs a partner who is willing and happy to sign up for the job of being a stepparent. If that's not you, don't block him from finding that special someone.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Living in the United States as a Black person is feeling increasingly less comfortable. As I approach my retirement, I want to ensure that I feel safe and stable. I enjoy traveling and meeting new people, and during my time abroad, I grew attached to Panama's people, landscape and culture. The country's atmosphere was welcoming and safe, and I am now actively thinking of moving to Panama City permanently. However, I'm not sure if I want to leave my family and friends. My children are adults, and I trust them to lead their own lives, but I will always want to be there for them. I have two grandchildren as well, and I want to be there for them. Furthermore, I don't speak Spanish -- though the city has many accommodations for English speakers.

What should I be considering when determining my post-retirement life? I know I should live for myself, but I want to make sure I am still present for my loved ones. -- Big Move

DEAR BIG MOVE: You are not alone. Thousands of Black folks -- and others -- are looking at the world as their homebase. Travel clubs have popped up for the express purpose of finding the right community abroad that will be a good fit for different demographics.

Panama is one of the hot spots right now, in part because it is welcoming of global citizens, even those who don't speak Spanish. The good news about moving there is that it is close to the United States. All your loved ones need is a passport, and they can come to visit you. For context, my cousin and her husband recently moved to Panama, and two of my daughter's godparents are moving to Portugal in a couple of months. You're only a plane ride away!

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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole

COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.