ArcaMax

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister lost her job six months ago and hasn't been able to find a new one. She worked in tech for 10 years at some great companies, but she hasn't found any success. She recently asked if she could move into the spare bedroom in my family's house because she has blown through all of her savings. I told her that I'll have to check in with my husband, and she got extremely upset that I wouldn't immediately welcome her with open arms. She started saying that if the situation were reversed, she wouldn't hesitate to take me in, and that she couldn't believe I needed to "ask permission" to help my own sister.

We've always been close, and seeing her struggle like this has been difficult for me, too. At the same time, I'm married and have a family, and I don't feel like it's fair to make a decision like this without talking it through with my husband first. The situation is also more complicated than just having an extra room. We have kids, a routine and a certain level of privacy that could be impacted by having another adult living with us indefinitely. Do you think I'm in the wrong for not saying yes to her without consulting with my husband first? -- Sister in Need

DEAR SISTER IN NEED: You were not wrong. You are part of a family unit, and decisions that impact the family should be discussed and agreed upon between you and your husband. Given your sister's situation, you probably will choose to give her temporary shelter, but if you make that decision, it should have boundaries around it. What are your expectations of her during her stay? How long will you allow her to stay, at least for starters? Ground rules are essential. Otherwise, your household rhythm can be wrecked, and other problems ensue.

The fact that she got so upset about you wanting to talk to your husband first is a red flag. Make it clear to her that if you welcome her into your home, it will be under house rules that are governed by the two of you. If she can't abide by that, she shouldn't come.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a high school teacher, but I want to pursue music full time. I perform and write music on the side as often as I can, and it is my passion. I want to quit my day job and focus more on my dreams. I know that if I give it my all and dedicate more of my time and energy to this, I can make it.

My girlfriend and I moved in together about six months ago. She recently purchased her first home as a rental property and worries that, if I quit, it will put "us" in a jam. I didn't stop her from buying a property; I didn't use "us" to hinder her dreams. Why can't she do the same for me? I know we have more to think about now, but I want her to trust me and trust that I would never jeopardize our future. How do I get through to her? -- Risky Dreams

DEAR RISKY DREAMS: Before you transition out of your job, hustle harder and prove to your girlfriend and yourself that you can earn a living pursuing your dream. Get paying gigs and save your money. Sell songs. Can you concretely envision turning your dream into profit soon? Only then should you quit your job.

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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole

COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.