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Q: My son is about to start college in another city. However, we've just discovered that he has also gotten his girlfriend pregnant. They're both 18, and neither one of them wants to consider an adoption plan for the child. Meanwhile, my husband and I are providing all of our son's financial support. We have no idea how he's going to support a baby. Do you have any insights?

Jim: First off, it's encouraging to hear that your son and his girlfriend have opted to choose life rather than abortion. That's a huge step in the right direction.

However, as you've pointed out, there's still the question of how this young couple will manage to parent a child at this stage in their lives. Addressing these challenges will take determined intentionality and commitment on their part.

I strongly encourage your family to contact your local pregnancy resource center. These amazing people can offer practical help to your son and his girlfriend as they walk through this challenging season. Search for the center nearest you at MyChoice network (mcn.care) or OptionLine (optionline.org).

Meanwhile, research indicates that early in a pregnancy, most teen couples say they're just not interested in the adoption alternative. But as time goes on -- and they begin to consider what it really means to care for a baby -- reality starts to set in. At that point, many teens are willing to take another look.

I'd recommend that you avoid pressuring your son and his girlfriend to decide on adoption right away. If you push them to make a decision about whether or not they will parent the baby, they may react by proudly proclaiming to you (and everyone else) that they have definitely made up their minds that they will. At that point, and having made a public commitment, it will be a lot harder for them to adjust their course and consider adoption later on.

If they do decide to parent the baby -- and I know this might be hard to hear for all concerned -- it's important that you and your husband do not just step in and cover everything. If they choose that route, you might say something like this: "Your father and I are proud of you for choosing life for your child, and we do want to encourage you in the ways we can. Since you've made this decision, we don't want to deny you the wonderful privilege of being parents in the fullest sense of the word. That does mean you have the responsibility of providing for your child financially. We know it's scary -- but we also know you can do it and we're on your side."

In connection with this last point, it's worth highlighting that it wouldn't be the end of the world if your son delayed college for a while, gets a job and fulfills the responsibility he took on when he decided to have sex with his girlfriend. Sometimes parents think that if their child doesn't go to college straight out of high school, he never will. From there they jump to the conclusion that he's "finished." That's simply not the case.

The reality is that accepting his responsibility as a father might actually force your son to do a lot of needed growing up. Sure, it won't be easy. Still, if he starts college later or goes part-time, there's a strong likelihood that he'll end up being more committed to his education and get more out of it.

If you'd like to discuss this situation further, please call our staff counselors for a free consultation. They can be reached at 855-771-HELP (4357) weekdays, 6 a.m. to 8 p.m. (MT). I wish you all the very best.

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Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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