At a recent gathering of my book club, the conversation turned to our pregnancy and delivery stories. This was prompted by the difficult delivery that the host’s daughter-in-law had just been through. Some stories were truly “scary” and even horrifying, while others were not quite as bad — but no one said it was a wonderful and special experience. It was all about fear and pain.

But if anyone did have a joyful or positive experience, would they have shared it? Or would that have seemed strange in contrast with the other stories? Would they have even felt a little guilty?

It seems like everyone in my book club would have benefited from reading "Mind-Body, Birth: Your Guide to Fearless Childbirth" by Samantha Vaive, Ph.D. The book is filled with an amazing amount of information so you can make informed decisions about your pregnancy and delivery — about pain meds, C-sections, nursing and more. So that you know that sometimes there is actually nothing wrong with you, but it’s just the way your body works.

The author talks about how, in her research, she found that the trauma of birth — your own or even someone else’s — needed to be heard. “This troubled me … this glorious, beautiful thing we have literally been doing since the dawn of humans was crushing the people around me. Birth should not be devastating, yet it was.” And if you have an awful experience when someone else doesn’t, it’s not unusual to think that you did something wrong.

To know you’re not alone in your experience — good or bad — is important. “What I have found is an overwhelming sense of loneliness in pregnancy and birth. They say it takes a village to raise a child. But what about to create one and bring it into the world? Sure, you have a doctor. If you are truly lucky, you have a doula and a person who loves you holding your hand. But while you may be sharing your experience with them, that isn’t the same as a shared experience. It is not the same as being surrounded by people going through what you are going through. And it isn’t the same as information. Information combats isolation.”

And this book is overflowing with information.

As the author states, giving birth in this country today is very difficult … not that it was ever easy; I’m reading another book right now about a midwife in the 1700s, and birth certainly didn’t seem easy then! But we learn very early on that birth is terrible. “That it is the worst pain a person can experience. Can. ‘Can’ is an important distinction … Childbirth can be the worst pain a person experiences. It doesn’t have to be.”

This is why the author says she wrote Mind-Body, Birth. “No matter what your experience is, I do not want isolation to tell you how good or bad it was. You get to decide that. Not a comparison to others.”

The book is written with an easy and conversational tone, and the author is honest and open about all topics. She tells us that information is the best way to prepare yourself for unpredictable and unforeseen situations. This book is meant to support you and to help you have the absolute best possible birth for you. No pressure, no judgment.

The book also includes activities and journaling prompts that are important in helping you process the information and personalize it. Each section ends with a “Support Report” which summarizes the key points in that section. The book is also very inclusive of different life situations. Not every topic or activity will be for everyone, but you can pick and choose what applies best to you.

One important point that the author makes is about what she calls The Big Lie— that there is inherent suffering in childbirth. “… childbirth does not have to be awful. It does not have to be brutally painful. It does not have to be something you just get through to get to the good part. Childbirth can be the good part.” And with this book in hand, you can be guided toward the best experience possible.

As the author ends, she says, “I want to leave you with this: You get only this life. You, only you, get to decide how you want to live it. You get only this body. You, only you, should get to decide how you live in that body. Your happiness matters. Your feeling of comfort, ease, and joy in your body matters…”

Let "Mind-Body, Birth" guide you to “fearless childbirth”!