1. Not spending enough quality time with the kitchen applicances.

2. Came dressed in only a towel...again.

3. Ran out of paper clips.

4. I've decided to telecommute.

5. Ambassador to Belgium is at the White House.

6. ...Read More

The teacher, during an English lesson, asked her students: "Now tell me, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"

Little Johnny, in the back row, raised his hand.

"Yes, Johnny...Read More

Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".

Drum on every available surface.

Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

Staple papers in the middle of the page....Read More

After enlisting in the 82nd Airborne Division, I eagerly asked my recruiter what I could expect from jump training.

"Well," he said, "it's three weeks long."

"What else?" I asked.

"The first week they separate the men ...Read More

Frankenstein was sitting in his cell when suddenly through the wall came the ghost of his monster, with a rope round his neck.

Frankenstein said, "Monster, monster, what are you doing here?"

The monster said, "Well, boss...Read More

- Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

- Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

- On the second day, the knee was better, and then on the third day it disappeared.

...Read More