The Kid Whisperer: How to teach a kid 2 important lessons

Scott Ervin, Tribune News Service on Nov 11, 2025

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Dear Kid Whisperer,

I teach third-grade. I have had Behavioral Leadership training and I use Strategic Noticing, ESPN Greetings, etc. I have a student in my class who just wants to read (not the worst thing) but she wants to read and not do work. I made her stay in from recess to practice. She became angry, plugged her ears and started throwing stuff. I left her alone. Other kids are also watching her sit and read and they now want to do the same thing. I could really use some help.

Answer: First, telling students to get to work, and especially badgering them on this point, is a tactical mistake. Savvy students are aware that adults can’t make them do work, and savvy students who are also brave take advantage of this knowledge to inevitably win power struggles with adults, simply by refusing to do work.

Instead of teachers having to pray that their students are not both brave and savvy, they need to set up a procedure whereby students learn the real-life positive lessons of working hard and the negative consequences of not working hard: that when you work hard and get work done, you can do things that are more fun than work. This procedure is called Real-World Workshop, and it’s in my book, "The Classroom Behavior Manual."

Next, not doing schoolwork is not a negative behavior, because not doing schoolwork doesn’t cause a problem for anyone else besides, arguably, that student.

Finally, refusing the instructions of an authority figure is always considered to be a negative behavior. Students in school cannot pick and choose which instructions they will follow because the result would be chaos, and people can’t teach and learn in chaos, and teaching and learning is what is supposed to be happening in schools.

Did you notice the important nuance? Part of why we never try to force kids to do work is because once they refuse, they are using a negative behavior, but we don’t want to get into a power struggle about work, because, tactically, this is a mistake (see above).

Therefore, with your student, refusing to put the book away is a negative behavior, but not doing work is not a negative behavior. Here’s how I would deal with this situation tomorrow if I were you, immediately after teaching academic material. Keep in mind, I will have properly differentiated Now assignments that relate exactly to what I just taught, and Later activities that are highly reinforcing (FUN!) and also relate to common core standards. One of those Laters should be “ Read.”

Kid Whisperer: Feel free to do your Laters as soon as you are done with your Nows!

Everyone but Kid #17 gets to work on their Nows. Kid #17 picks up a book to read.

Kid Whisperer walks by Kid #17 and, without stopping, taps the book with two fingers.

Kid #17 ignores Kid Whisperer.

Kid Whisperer reapproaches Kid #17 and whispers so that only she can hear.

Kid Whisperer: What should you do now?

Kid #17: I SURE HOPE YOU ARE NOT IMPLYING THAT I PUT THIS BOOK AWAY BECAUSE I AM READING CRIME AND PUNISHMENT AND CRIME AND PUNISHMENT IS GREAT LITERATURE AND WHO ARE YOU TO STOP ME FROM READING THE WORKS OF TRUE LITERARY MASTERS…

Kid Whisperer (whispering): Oh, shucks. This is a tough one. I’m going to help you do some learning later.

Later, Kid Whisperer can have the student practice putting the book away when asked. She will first refuse (anger, plugging ears, throwing stuff) because she has not yet learned The Primary Lesson: that refusing a request from an authority figure does not get her out of trouble and does not get her what she wants. It appears that her parents have not yet taught her this, so this responsibility has fallen to you. Your job is to set up all or most non-instructional time as a time for her to refuse angrily, until she learns this lesson. The lesson can involve her practicing putting the book away over and over (maybe she has the choice to practice 10 or 15 times) until she becomes an expert.

People who never learn to be cooperative with the reasonable requests of authority figures tend to spend their lives suffering and not being very successful in life. The price tag on this lesson will never be as low as it will be tomorrow.