ArcaMax

One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance: leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos and pierced nose.

Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," said the mother diplomatically, "he doesn't seem very nice."

"Oh please, Mom," ...Read more

If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them.

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It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.

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It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

AUDI

Accelerates Under Demonic Influence

Always Unsafe Designs Implemented

All Un-informed Drivers Insulted

All Unnecessary Devices Installed

BMW

Big Money Works

Bought My Wife

Brutal Money Waster

BUICK

Big Ugly Indestructable Car Killer

CHEVROLET

Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually ...Read more

"The method preferred by most balding men for making themselves look silly is called the 'comb-over,' which is when the man grows the hair on one side of his head very long and combs it across the bald area, creating an effect that looks...from the top...like an egg in the grasp of a large tropical spider." --Dave Barry

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"Federal ...Read more

Mary was married to a something of a chauvinist. They both worked full time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly....not any housework. That, he declared, was 'woman's work.'

One evening Mary arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in the dryer, dinner on ...Read more

The orthopaedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items.

I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, and had fastened the seat belt around it to stop it falling over. I hadn't considered the drive across town.

At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me...Read more

During their vacation and while they were visiting Jerusalam, George's mother-in-law died.

With death certificates in hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the states for proper burial.

The Consul, after hearing of the death of the mother-in-law told George that the sending of a body ...Read more

A man had tickets to Game Seven of the Stanley Cup Final right at center ice. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.

"No," he says. "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible" said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?"

"Well, actually,...Read more

Dear Dogs,

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two dogs in the way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it ...Read more

Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led down to the room in which they would meet their maker. The priest had given them last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants.

The warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a...Read more

Hey, this is just a quick reminder about how dumb things have gotten.

In what way? Well, take your pick. Today let's zoom in on Florida's bobo version of DOGE through which officials are auditing the state's counties and cities with a fine-tooth comb. You know, a small government, laissez-faire activity.

Florida's Chief Financial Officer ...Read more

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Highway 401. Please be careful!"

"Hun," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

As you are receiving e-mail, it's wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally and with serious consequences.

Consider the case of the Michigan man who left the snow-filled streets of Detroit for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next ...Read more

A young executive was leaving the office at 6 p.m. when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, ...Read more