Life Advice
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Train Mix-Up Makes Friend Late For Plans
DEAR HARRIETTE: My friends and I made plans to go to the Metropolitan Museum of Art last weekend to visit the rooftop before it closed (not just for the season, but for the next five years due to upcoming renovations). I was really looking forward to it since it felt like a once-in-a-long-time experience we'd all share together. Unfortunately, I...Read more
When Hints Fail, Be Direct
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I took a long cross-country flight, during which I was assigned the middle seat. The gentleman seated by the window insisted on asking me about my relationship with Jesus, showing me photos on his cellphone and trying to engage me in conversation, while I was very pointedly trying to watch a movie.
The flight was full, so ...Read more
One-Sided Connections
Dear Annie: My sister "Michelle" and I used to be close, but things changed after she had her second child. She rarely returns my calls and only texts if I reach out first. When we do talk, it's always short, and she seems distracted or annoyed. I've offered to help with the kids or bring meals by, but she always says she's "got it handled."
...Read more
In-Laws' Open-Door Policy Creates Tension For Newcomer
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are celebrating our second anniversary. For the most part, we're very happy. He's the best friend I've ever had. The problem is his family. They're wonderful people who have welcomed me with open arms. But they are also extremely clingy and lack common boundaries.
We recently moved to a larger home that's closer to ...Read more
Ask Anna: Did we move in too fast? And what's the 3-6-9 rule?
Dear Anna,
I’m a 28-year-old woman who moved in with my boyfriend (30) after only four months of dating. It wasn't planned — my lease was ending, his roommate moved out and it just made sense financially and logistically. Plus, we were spending every night together anyway, so why pay for two places? We've now been living together for two ...Read more
Single File: Personal Inventory
Relax your body before you start this questionnaire. It's important you start this with shoulders loose and mind clear. Don't rush through the following questions, because chances are they'll lead to still more probing. (For now, jot down those additional questions on a separate sheet of paper for future reference.) The best way to do these ...Read more
Ask Dating Coach Erika: He says we have no chemistry!
Q: We’re two months in. Everything else is great, but he says we have no chemistry. Can it build? Give it more time?
A: I have a genuine question for you: Why would you want to be with someone who tells you that he has "no chemistry" (those are strong words) with you? Don't you think you deserve that, at a minimum?
With men, no, chemistry ...Read more
Asking Eric: Daughter’s clutter keeps getting her kicked out of apartments
Dear Eric: My 40-year-old daughter and spouse live in an apartment with their children. Both were raised in clean, tidy homes.
I know they have always paid the rent on time wherever they live. The issue: they're both nasty slobs. They've been in their current apartment less than six months. Their patio is full of trash, unused plant pots, ...Read more
Group Chat Argument Spreads To Real Life
DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend is upset with me because I didn't defend her during a heated argument in a group chat with some of our mutual friends. I didn't feel I should get involved. The conversation had escalated quickly, and I thought it was better to stay neutral. Now she's distant and barely responds when I try to reach out.
I feel caught in...Read more
Grown Kids Need To Pitch In
DEAR MISS MANNERS: For the past 15 years or so, my wife and I have been hosting a potluck feast for Thanksgiving, with about 30 friends and family joining us at our house.
In our invitation, we announce that we're supplying the turkey, soft drinks, booze and a few other staples, and ask others to bring an appetizer, side dish, dessert, etc. We ...Read more
Walking on Eggshells
Dear Annie: I am 60 years old and the mother of five grown children. I raised them mostly on my own after my divorce, and those years were not easy. There were slammed doors, late nights waiting up and more than a few tearful arguments. My daughters, especially during their teenage years, could be painfully cruel with their words. But somehow,...Read more
Student Fears Sexuality Could Be At Odds With Family's Beliefs
DEAR ABBY: For the past two years, I have been trying to conceal from my family (with modest success) that I'm asexual. I overhear conversations my parents have been having with my older siblings on the subject of dating, and I'm becoming increasingly frustrated that my experiences have been so different from theirs. I have never dated the same ...Read more
Asking Eric: Friend is shell of himself after relationship
Dear Eric: I have a friend who is a great person. He told me about some experiences that made me extremely worried for his safety. He left town a few years ago for work and he started dating another guy, which I never really approved of because things seemed to move extremely fast and I didn’t like the way he was treated by his ex.
My friend ...Read more
Therapist Feels Burnt Out At Work
DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been a therapist for over 20 years, and while I've found deep meaning in helping others heal, lately the work has become emotionally exhausting. I listen to people's pain all day, and I can feel it sinking into me. Sometimes I come home completely depleted, with nothing left to give to my own family or myself. I've tried ...Read more
The Real Turkey Is Whoever Suggested This
DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the etiquette for who cooks the turkey for Thanksgiving dinner? We have family members who requested that our daughter cook and bring the turkey -- after she makes a 12-hour drive with two toddlers and her husband.
GENTLE READER: Whoops, etiquette does not have a rule designating the turkey cook.
Should it be the ...Read more
Hosting Without Reciprocity
Dear Annie: I have a dear friend of 49 years. She has been married for more than 50, while I only married seven years ago. She stood beside me as my matron of honor, and over the years, we have shared so many memories, laughs and life milestones together.
Since my marriage, my husband and I have hosted this couple for dinner more times than I...Read more
Sister's 'Gifts' Can Do More Harm Than Good
DEAR ABBY: My sister is cheap. She's also not good at choosing gifts for people. Often, the things she gives are worse than if she'd done nothing at all. An example: She was just here visiting and brought my 4-year-old a toy car she'd picked up at a garage sale (fine, so far), but one of the wheels was broken off. She had the wheel in her purse ...Read more
Asking Eric: Family thinks brother is too wealthy to be included in tradition
Dear Eric: My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years. He has three siblings, and it seems like he’s the forgotten one. His mom and siblings always put money together and send it for each other’s birthdays. Last year and the year before that, they did it for everyone’s birthday except my husband.
He was very upset about it but...Read more
Unemployed Friend Doesn't Reciprocate Support
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in a very one-sided friendship. My friend has been out of work for an extended period and is suffering as a result. I have gone out of my way to help by setting up a job search online and monitoring it (he has no computer), by occasionally giving him cash when he needs to buy food and by being as supportive as I can.
The ...Read more
Unique Name, Common Problem
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have an unusual, "made-up" first name. Nowadays it's common for kids to have a uniquely spelled name, but I'm in my 60s, so it wasn't common growing up.
The way I've managed it is: I only correct the pronunciation if I expect to see that person again. This way, I'm not constantly feeling rude by correcting everyone. And the...Read more
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